One of my friends gave our group a reading assignment: The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.  Many of you have probably read it.  It has been on the best seller list forever.  I am late to the party, as usual!

I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I’m not giving away the plot, but the book is about regrets (such as the road not taken) and the chance to make things right.

I don’t have a ton of regrets, although some of the mistakes and decisions I have made along the way were doozies! But I do have one big regret. 

I regret that I wasn’t kinder and more patient with my mother, particularly in her later years.

Most people who knew my mother might describe her as a tough customer!  Her glass was ½ empty at best and her default mode tended toward judgement and criticism.  I was often her target and she didn’t mince words.

As a result, I tended to avoid spending time with her and wasn’t very kind or patient when I was with her.

It took some therapy after she died to forgive her and realize that her leg was ‘caught in a trap’ for as long as I remember.

Imagine you are walking in the woods and you see a small dog sitting by at tree.  As you approach it, it suddenly lunges at you, teeth bared.  You are frightened and angry.  But then you notice that one of its legs is caught in a trap.  Immediately your mood shifts from anger to concern: You see the dog’s aggression is coming from a place of vulnerability and pain.  This applies to all of us.  When we behave in hurtful ways, it is because we are caught in some kind of a trap.  The more we look through the eyes of wisdom at ourselves and one another, the more we cultivate a compassionate heart.

Tara Brach

My mother did have some wonderful qualities.  She fully supported my marriage and loved my husband.  She was delighted when my then young stepdaughters called her, ‘Grandma Mae’.  And when our daughter came along, she loved her to the moon and back. And she also loved me in her own way, she just had a tough time showing it.

I’m going to Hawaii soon. My mom really wanted to go to Hawaii.  I feel bad that I didn’t take the time or make the effort to take her there.  It wouldn’t have killed me 😊!

My mom’s been gone for almost 30 years, so I can’t rewind the tape.

I’ll leave you with this:

Just because she’s your mom and she’s going to love you forever, no matter what – you can’t treat her just any old way and think it doesn’t matter. Don’t treat the person who loves you the most….the worst. Don’t take her for granted.  She may not let you see it, but your shortness, impatience and harsh words make her steal away to a quiet place and cry. Her heart hurts to understand why you seem angry with her.  She will not always agree with you, but she will always love you.  And it doesn’t matter how old you are, or how old she is, treasure your mom.  You’ll never have another one.




5 thoughts on “REGRETS…..I HAVE A FEW

  1. Thank you for sharing Allene. I think many of us have a few stories that resonate with what you have written. I do know my mom was strong and loved me so much. She wanted the best for her children and her expectations were very high. Towards the very end of her life, I regret my impatience with the challenges of providing caregiving 24/7. I do know she felt loved.


  2. I’m shedding a few tears. Am working on being kinder to my Mom while I still have the opportunity. Thanks my friend.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s